Hulk in the morning

This morning I wish my coffee was real coffee or maybe even whiskey.... It's been a rough day and it's only 8:40am. Before 8:00am this morning I managed to yell at ever person in my household. It started with my dog. First, he keep me up all night with his continuous whining to go outside. It continued for three hours before he stopped and finally went to sleep. However, after getting up to start getting ready he was in my way. Every time I would turn there he was and I would trip over him. If I wasn't tripping over him then all I could hear is his whining. What was his deal this morning? He was my first victim.


Next was my brother. I realized that he wasn't out of bed at 6:50 this morning even though he has to be out the door at 7:05 to catch the bus. Normally, I wouldn't have cared since this is the first time this entire semester I have had to go wake him up. However, we have been struggling for over a week over his senior English paper. He hasn't started it and it's due on Monday. Wait, What?! I bought him the book for it over 2 months ago. I have been talking with him about it every week but yesterday I found out he hadn't finished reading the book and that he can't find the appropriate research needed for his paper so his teacher told him he needed to switch books (over a week a go). Frustrated, I picked a book for him to do off of the list. I made sure it would be interesting and that it was a shorter one so he could read it in about two days and then spend the rest of his break working on the paper. This morning I found out he read a total of 2 pages of it yesterday and then fell asleep. I lost it. Does he plan to graduate? I had some choice words for him this morning but I know the battle is far from over.

Lastly, my dear husband got on to me for "being too harsh" on my brother this early in the morning. I lost it. I told him I was tired of always being the bad guy when it comes to my brother. I know he's not our "kid" but I needed some support if we were going to get him to graduation. I was so frustrated I ate my bowl of cereal in silence then left to do some last minute grocery shopping before the craziness of the week begins (of course we have to run out of bread, milk and need tomato sauce right before the holidays).


Needless to say, I am having a rough morning and I don't foresee it getting any better this week. I will have to continue to fight with my brother has he works a lot over break but needs to do his project. I have to do all this while working 6 hours on Thanksgiving and 6 hours on Black Friday at Kmart and some how fit in some family time, some relaxing time and maybe time for me to scream from everything going on.

I'll keep you apprise if I can manage to keep my head or if I become the hulk this week. Oh, did I mention I am tired today.

At the end of my rope

Things lately have not be the best at our household. It's been a tough month. It started out with my grandfather passing. It wasn't unexpected but it did happen much quicker than we anticipated. We were out of town for almost a week to attend the services, help my grandmother out and figure out what my grandmother will do know. It was such a stressful time.

Then we returned to work which is always stressful after being gone but add on all the extra things we do for the community during the Holidays and you can see why my stress level is up. Then add in the fact that our garage door and dishwasher broke (so added expenses) and you can see why I feel at whits end this month. I am tired. The stress has made my morning sickness worse but I am also a stress eater.

The good news is that we did have another doctors appointment this week. The baby is doing well and they even scheduled our gender scan. Can you believe that in less than a month we will know if we are having a daughter or son? It seems crazy how fast it is already going. I was over the moon until the doctor told me I have gained 18 pounds since becoming pregnant. Wait, what?! That isn't right, my scale at home say 8. Most of my clothes still fit. How can I have gained almost 20 pounds and not notice. I tried to tell him it didn't seem right but all he said was I needed to "stop eating sweets, stop having seconds and try not to gain anymore between now and my appointment in 6 weeks". That's crazy. I still think he is wrong but I am back to watching what I am eating and exercising more. I still eat when I am hungry because I don't want the baby to lack but I try to make better choices no matter what I crave.

Overall, I'm stressed, I'm tried and I am sad. All these things I feel will only get worse as the holidays approach. At least I can look forward to finding out the gender of the baby.


Till next time.

Roller Coaster Weekend

This weekend has been a roller coaster for M and I. It started out marvelous. We finally decided to announce to our friends and the world that we are expecting a baby. We are so nervous because it is now out there. If something goes wrong everyone will know. Everyone will need to be told. It's terrifying but it's also exciting to see all the love and encouragement that flooded our way. After announcing Saturday morning we spent the early afternoon shopping for maternity clothes, Christmas gifts and other misc things. It was fun to relax with M. To get some time together just thinking about the future. Then Sunday came and our excitement was exchanged with heartbreak. We found out on Sunday that my grandfather was being put on hospice. It happened so quick. Two weeks ago he had a heart attack and they said that he would have 6 months to a year left. Then this weekend the pain became to much and he decided he would no longer do dialysis (he has been in kidney failure for several years now). The doctor said if he stopped dialysis he would have 7-10 days but then later that evening he had another attack. This mean he may not make it more than 3-5 days depending on his heart.

I haven't cried yet. Instead, I have focused my attention on figuring out how to get my sisters and brother home to see him. It's like moving an army. I have spent my time figuring out when I should leave to see him and what I need to do in order to leave. I have spent my time being strong and passing information around the family. I haven't cried yet but I know it's coming. I can feel my heart breaking a little more each minute. My grandfather has always been there for me. He has made sacrifices for me and my siblings that I couldn't imagine but he will not be there for us. He will never meet my child and my child will never meet their amazing grandfather. I am still holding it together but I don't know how long the dam will hold. Until it breaks I will push forward. I will continue to work. I will continue to make plans and get the family home. I will continue until I can't.