Seasons of Change

I find it so ironic how life just changes it seems like overnight. I know that most of the time it doesn't just change overnight. Most of the time there is some sort of force that has been moving towards the change in your life. It can either be you actively making difference choices to move towards a goal, it could be you inactively making choices that lead to a bit change and I even believe it can be the universe just changing things and you never know why. I only say this because a few weeks ago I was struck with the idea that I have noticed most of my friends lives have changed so dramatically in the last few months but when I look back I can see the small steps that have lead each of us towards these changes. These are all just brief seasons. Seasons that will pass and allow us rest before the next one hits but it doesn't make it any easier or less strange how we end up in them.

I have a grandmother in the process of grieving for her husband while dealing with a bankruptcy, losing her house and moving.

I have a brother who is trying to grow up quickly because he knows that soon he will leave our house and have to be an adult. Graduation will be here soon and then his life will have to start. There is no more stalling, no more 'being a kid' and that only adds to his stress.

I have one friend who is dealing with the repercussions of her husband who drinks too much and how it now is truly affect her and the kids. She also just lost her job, adding to the stress.

I have one friend whose career really seems to be taking off after years of changing her mind and years of trying to get to this point.

I have one friend who is dealing with the reality of what her marriage has become and trying to decide what is best for her. A situation no one ever wants to find themselves in because it really makes you examine your life, have realizations you didn't want to have and make choices that just seem unbearable at times.

I have one friend who seems to only be diving more into her despair of life, being so unhappy with everything mainly because she can't have a baby and won't make the necessary steps need to either get pregnant or adopt. Her marriage seems shaky because of her emotional state.

I have one friend who doesn't seem to really be changing at all but is happy where she is. I only throw this in there because it seems like there is always one that doesn't change often and is happy with life.

Then there is me. I am going to have a baby in a few months. Something I was beginning to fear would not happen until it did. I am also in the midst of a new part-time job that is giving me some great experience that will either lead me to work full-time for this company or set me up with the knowledge needed to move my career in another path.

There is just so much change and it all seems to happen at the same time. Here we all are at pivotal moments in our lives with so many choices to make and too much stress to bear. The only thing we can cling to in times like this is the love our family and friends because when this season of change is complete they are who will be left (if you didn't push them away).

2015

It can't be 2015 already, can it? I can't believe that we have already started a new year and this year it will be a big one. First, T will graduate. I am so excited for him. Even though I am frustrated with him so often, I am also proud of all the hard work he has put in. He has had a lot of things he has to overcome and he has really made an attempt to overcome them all. Before he knows it it will be May and he will be walking across that stage. I know he is so nervous but he will be great. Everyone is nervous to start their lives outside of high school but I believe that if he puts his mind to it, he can do great things.

However, the thing that I am most excited about is Olivia's entrance into the world. I am so excited and yet terrified at the same time. It's going to be here before we know it. It this year is anything like last year we will just blink and she will be almost here. We have so much to do before she gets her. I have to come up with an maternity plan for work and make sure everything is covered for my 8 week break, including thinking of everything I can for our big fundraiser that will take place the same weekend she is due. On top of that we have to get everything ready at home from baby proofing, to making a nursery, to preparing our dog, to stocking up on supplies all while trying to save as much money as possible. It's all overwhelming and yet I am excited for the challenge (that's how much I love organizing and planning. I think my weirdness is really starting to show). Oh, did I also mention we are both still working two jobs?

This year is going to be crazy. Actually, I think the more appropriate response is that this year is going to just a lifetime of crazy and I am not sure we are quite ready for it.

Can't I look pregnant already?

I am so tired of this already of this in between stage of pregnancy. I see all these photos of women how are as far along as I am and they either look normal or they are HUGE but not me. You can tell I have gained weight over the past few months. Unfortunately, it still looks as if I am just fat and not pregnant. My belly hasn't rounded out yet and its still pretty flabby. I can't wait until it's obvious that I am pregnant and not just putting away too many of the holiday sweets.

That's my rant for day brought to you by the person I saw at Wal-mart that said "man, the holidays haven't been kind to you. You have really packed on some pounds. That's so sad since you did a great job losing weight". Thanks for the confidence boost during this already emotional pregnancy.