Bitter

Sometimes in life, even when you try your hardest, you find yourself bitter. I think that is me for the last couple of weeks. Lately, all I can think about is how I have "checked all the boxes" in my life and yet life still somehow doesn't give me the things I want. I did my do diligence. I graduated college; I got married; I have a job and work hard; I bought a house; we waited a few years after marriage before trying for children; I make every effort not to get myself into a lot of debt and be responsible; I volunteer, and I do my best to be a good person. Yet, with all that I am still left with a crazy life.

I don't want a crazy life. I want to put in all the hard work and dedication and get out what I expect.

I want to a baby.

I want to have a good career.

I want to go back to school.

I want to have a little financial freedom to go on dates each month.

I want to be out of debt.

But no matter how hard I work, I can't seem to reach these goals as life continues to throw needless, crazy situation at us. It seems so unfair.

I see people getting new cars, buy new things, getting promotions, graduating with their Masters and having babies. But not me, no matter how hard I try it's not me. Instead, I am a caregiver to my brother and my mother who take all my extra effort, time and money. I work two jobs to keep up and M does all the house work, errands and running around. I am lucky to get one night alone with my husband and even luckier to be able to afford a date night every couple of month.

So yes, I am bitter. At least for now.