Valentine's Day

In the past I have viewed Valentine's Day as a day that we should our significant other our love through thoughtful gifts, actions, etc. I have always put pressure on my self to do something thoughtful or grand for M wanting him to feel special. At the same time I have always had this internal drive to hope that M will do something as well to "blow my mind". I have always had high expectations for Valentine's Day and some years they have been met and some years they haven't. However, I find that this year feels differently. I don't feel the pressure to do anything grand or really anything. I want to celebrate the day but I didn't even get M a gift like I usually do. Actually, that isn't true. About two weeks ago I bought M a PlayStation 3. I wanted to do something thoughtful for him for everything he has done this past few months, for getting a second job and not complaining and for being my support system. Yet, I labeled it a "just because I love you/early Valentine's Day/Early Birthday gift" because I know when his birthday comes around in June we won't have the time, money or energy for much. In previous years, I would have gotten him something still using the "it's Valentine's Day everyone deserves to feel loved on that day" but not this year. In fact, I told M not to get me anything. He wouldn't take no for an answer so I told him to get me a pedicure. We will see if that happens.


Anyways, the point is this year I don't want anything. I want to celebrate but I want to do that by having a relaxing day. I have been so busy since April of last year. I have been exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally for months. The exhaustion doesn't last long and I just push through but I just want one day to do nothing. I don't plan to clean the house, or cook, or grocery shop, or anything on Saturday. I just want to have a day of nothing. A day that I don't have to make a decision. I don't' want to think about what we eat, or do. Now, I don't want to sit at home all day but I want to just relax finally. To spend a day enjoying my husband. Enjoying us before our lives become about Olivia. More than anything I desire this. Now we just have to see if this really happens or if I talk myself out of it.