Four Years and A Clean Slate

I started this blog over four years ago. It wasn't successful because I only wrote post once a month for about 5 months and I lost interest. Looking back, I am not sure if I lost interest or if I realized I had nothing to say. Four years ago I thought my life was interesting, difficult and hectic. I thought I would start a blog to share about my journey to become a better person. Looking back now, I started it because I had a few friends start a blog and I jumped on the bandwagon. Looking back now, the only thing I really ever wrote about my being a newlywed and starting my first professional job. The few written post I did have were just me complaining about have crazy life was and how difficult my job was. Now that I look back and reflect I realize a few things. First, my job at that time was crazy, awful, and stressful but it pushed me. It pushed me pretty much have a nervous breakdown but then it pushed me to grow and eventually learn to stand up for myself which lead to me eventually leaving for another job. The second realization I had is that my life then was never crazy, it was simple or at least it was much simpler that it is now.

It's been four years since my last post and since then my husband and I have bought a house, I changed jobs, moved my mother from Texas to Oklahoma to take care of her, taken custody of my seventeen year old brother, and began trying to have a baby. Most of these things have been difficult. They have tested our marriage, our strength, our hearts and our pocketbook. Four years ago I would have never even been able to imagine that my life would look like it does now.

It's because of my crazy life that I have started blogging again. I need an outlet. I need somewhere I can write about my journey of trying to become a mother and the reality that I am infertile. I need a place to write about how we sudden have become parents but to a teenager that we don't really know. I need a place to write about what it is like to be the caregiver to your mother at such a young age. I need a place to let it all out so that I can make it through another day. I need a place where others can read my story and not be concerned about offending those I love. I'm lucky because very few people I know even know this blog exist and I don't plan on telling anyone about it. I need a place to be anonymous.

So here I am. I have erased all my previous post on this blog and have created a clean slate for me. This is a place for me to tell my story and share my emotions, even if no one reads it. If I don't post consistently, it's okay because this blog is for me not for anyone else.