Disbelief

I think I am still in the disbelieve mode of pregnancy. I can't fathom that I am going to have a baby, let alone that I am pregnant. Besides a few things, nothing seems to have changed for me. I don't really have very many symptoms and they come and go frequently. I think every day I still check to make sure I am not bleeding. Each days seems to get a bit better but the fear of a miscarriage is strong and can sometime be consuming. I never thought that the first part of pregnancy would be so confusing and stressful. My entire life I thought I would feel joy and excitement but I can't seem to manage those feelings often. Instead I am left feelings of fear, disbelief and confusion.

I think these feeling have also lead me to know really tell many people. I get excited sometime and want to blurt it out but then I don't. I fear if I say it out loud it will end. That as soon as the world knows it will decided to play a cosmic joke and I will lose the baby. So I don't say anything. So far the only person in either of our families that know is one of my sisters. Besides that I have two friends, a co-worker and M's boss that know. Everyone else is in the dark. I hope that after my next appointment in October I will feel more comfortable sharing our news.

So my questions is: Is this normal? If so, I was not prepared. I hope that as the weeks continue I begin to feel more joy and stability.