16 and pregnant

When I see shows like 16 and pregnant or hear about women who get pregnant easily but either don't think they want their baby or are not in a situation ideal for having a baby I get angry. I know that anger is probably not the best response nor am I the first infertile women to feel this way but it is very frustrating. It's heartbreaking to first see all these women who are not ready to have children get the blessing of having them and it's heartbreaking every time I hear of women who have a baby only to treat them terribly because they didn't want them or to have an abortion.

Now, I want to stop there for a second. I don't want this blog to turn into a discussion of abortion. I can see both sides of abortion and have mixed feelings about it but I have to say every time I hear of one my heart breaks because to me being pregnant is a gift and I can't imagine throwing that gift away. So, let's leave it at that. I understand why some women get abortions and that sometimes there is a true need for them but it's still heartbreaking.

Let's move back on topic now. Why does it always seem that those women who have no business being pregnant or don't want to be pregnant seem to have no trouble getting pregnant? We are now at month 10 of TCC and I think this month will be a bust, moving us into month 11 hear in about the next week or two. As the time counts down to hitting the one year mark my emotions towards those women get stronger. I'm not angry at them but at their situation and mine. How they are able to have something I want desperately. I continue to tell myself that it's okay if we don't get pregnant for another couple months because it means my brother will be closer to being in college which will be better for our situation but it doesn't mean that every month it doesn't happen my soul seems to be a little more crushed. I wonder how much longer or if it will ever happen. How long do we try until we move onto other options? When will I finally get the talk to go see an RE instead of just my OBGYN? How long until we have to do those dreaded test that I am not sure my insurance will cover? When will we finally hear the verdict of why we really can't get pregnant (or will this be another case of unexplained infertility)?

I sit back and watch people around me get the things I want and it makes me angry. For example, I have a friend of Facebook that is younger than me that I have been friends with for a while. I was her mentor during high school but now that she is out we don't see much of each other. In her senior year of high school she became pregnant. At that time it wasn't a big deal for me emotionally because I wasn't ready to have a child but now she is pregnant again two years later. She is a single mother who barely works part-time but she gets a second child? How does that seem fair in the universe?

Again, I know that this is not a new concept of the unfairness of who gets pregnant and who doesn't. I am sure there have been many blog post, books, poems and journal entries about these but I wanted to say it just to make myself feel better. It is unfair to watch women who don't want or are not ready have children and it makes the wait for us who want them even worse.