It's always frustrating when your day does not go as planned. This was yesterday for me and by the time the day ended I was exhausted. First, it started with our taxes which took much longer than it should, making me later to work than I would like. That started the day off wrong. Everything went fine at work until I got a call from my mother. You remember the one that is inpatient at a treatment center for an eating disorder. It's not unusual for her to call and check in but she called my cell phone 3 times before finally calling my work number. I assumed it was an emergency because she knows I am usually busy at work and only call that number if it's important. So I took a second away from covering our front desk at lunch time and gave her a call. This is where my day went wrong.
She wants to check out of the facility. She believes that there is something physically wrong with her and not psychological. At first, I am stunned at this and then it is immediately followed by irritation because I am at work and obviously don't have time to discuss this with her. We talk for a few minutes and she explains everyone at the facility was on board with her getting physically checked out but her therapist who things she is using it as a way not to address the problem. I tell her to let me think about it and give her a call when I have more time to chat.
Now, at this point I am frustrated. She only has 10 days left in the program. She always believes there is something physically wrong and that it needs to be fixed when something’s are psychologically wrong. I planned on calling her back and reminding her that one of the reasons she checked in is because she was chewing food and spitting it out so she wouldn’t get fat. That is not a physical problem but psychological. I understand she feels that when she eats everything stays in her upper body and never moves down but I don't believe that is the entire problem. I plan to remind her that even if she needs those tests ran it wouldn't be immediate so she could probably finish the program before the first appointment. I plan to tell her I want to talk with her therapist and doctor there before we make any decisions. However, when I called her back to tell her that she informed me that she had already checked herself out and is waiting for a ride. Now I am furious.
Why call me and ask me to discuss it if you already made your mind up? Why would you put me through this entire process of talking with your doctors, checking you in, driving an hour to see you a couple times, and dealing with our family asking question? Why would you ask me to be your advocate if you don't really plan to utilize me for anything other than money and a ride?
Then it gets worse. She calls back to tell me her ride fell through and since she is already checked out she has to have someone come get her. So not only did you not even care what I had to say I now have to drive an hour to get you? I wanted to tell her no, to figure it out herself but that is not what happened. I went to get her. I told her not to plan on talking while we were making the hour long drive back because I was too mad and would say not nice things. Then I had to take her to get groceries because she had no food in the house and a winter storm was set to hit us this morning. It was a long few hours. I didn't really talk with her. Of course, the first thing she said when getting in the car was "I know you don't want to talk about this but one of the doctors was going to come out and tell you he believed that I needed to leave but then he got busy".
I have to say, it's not so much the leaving part that makes me mad. I could have gotten over that or even agreed with it after talking to some doctors. It was the making this decision on her own after everything she put me through that makes me mad. She doesn't care what anyone thinks but instead does whatever she wants and whatever gets her the most attention.
I am glad for the winter storm moving in. It gives me a reason to take a break from her to think about things, to calm down and then to jump back in as caregiver. It's just sad because I think she is slowly killing herself and she can't even see it or maybe she does and doesn't care.
Let it snow, let it snow-- so I can get a break.
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