Why is this so hard?

This month is the worse! I know that it's only half way through the month but so far I am not a fan. Not only am I tired from trying to adjust to working two jobs I have been overly moody and felt terrible on and off for about a week now making things even worse. Wait? Moody? Not feeling well for a week? Not sleeping well? Maybe I am pregnant? NOPE! Or at least not according to my wonderful app on my phone that records all my temperatures and tells me if I have ovulated. Now I know I shouldn't base everything on a app on my phone but it's been pretty darn accurate so far. This month is an off month for us so it means no medication which means I should be back to normal from not having side effects from the medicine but nope. I think I feel worse this month. Plus, I have been temping every day still to keep a good record and my temps have been all over the place. It's really crazy to see my chart. I did have hope that I ovulated a couple days ago but was burned by my temperature dip this morning. I don't know why I let myself hope that my body would work without medication. It won't. It hasn't since I was a teenager but here I am again disappointed by my free floating, hopeful heart. Oh, and did I mention that another person that I went to college with is pregnant? This one I thought wouldn’t bother me because I know she has struggled to get pregnant and had to do IVF to conceive but the way that she is flaunting it around Facebook and talking about it nonstop is making me irritated and most days I want to punch her in the face. I mean, seriously, she announced her pregnancy (she was only 6 weeks along) while on her three week vacation in Paris. Also, why do you need a vacation to Paris when you are a stay at home wife?!

Not only have I felt terrible this month and realizing that trying to have a baby with a broken body like mine is such a task and an emotional train wreck but I am just tired and everything at work seems to not be working out for me this month. Every plan I have made at work seems to be torn apart by unforeseen events and our annual fundraiser is coming up soon and there is so much to do. Today I am just feeling tired and I have a severe headache. I think I may need more caffeine to get through the day and a pedicure real soon.

Sincerly,
Very cranky and Very Tired